I have been working with nuance lately. It’s amazing at how this is shifting my reality.

Nuance is “having or characterized by subtle and often appealingly complex qualities, aspects, or distinctions (as in character or tone)” -Merriam Webster Dictionary

If you grew up in an environment steeped in all-or-nothing thinking or black and white thinking, then discovering nuance may open your eyes to a whole new world as it is doing for me. I’ve had these philosophical questions that have seemed unsolvable because I am still looking mostly through the lenses of black-and-white thinking. There is no room for shades of grey. When, in reality, life is really one big shade of grey, a merging of colors, blending of realities, and confluence of perspectives.

There’s are two areas in my life where I have noticed the magic of nuance.
First, nuance is showing up with regards to people pleasing.

A question I have asked myself often is: How do I not care what people think and still be a caring person?

Because I thought if I step into the hardened role of “not giving a shit” then it kind of goes against my mission of being love.

But I had a realization.

If my worrying about what OTHERS think takes greater priority over how I want to feel or act, then MY needs get to take precedence. I can still be a kind person, but I have a boundary. My needs matter. My feelings matter. So my need to people please is going to take a backseat to my need for feeling whole.  And I get to make choices in each and every situation to adjust my responses and actions to get my needs met. I can still be a loving person to other humans. And, I can also be a loving human to myself.

I have also noticed nuance show up at the other end of the love spectrum.

There’s a part of me that feels so hurt by others that my mind says, “They can all go to hell” and my heart closes. (And not only to them but subconsciously also to opportunities, friends, other relationships and life in general. Because I am so busy protecting myself that nothing new comes in.)

But what if I can say “they can all go to hell” AND I can still choose to love them (if appropriate) AND I GET TO MAKE MY OWN CHOICES. I can hold all those balls at once. Looking at all the shade of grey, I get decide what picture to paint. And I get to make choices from a state of empowerment regardless of what others think. Relationships can get messy and other people can want things for me, have expectations, etc.  But I get to decide and make my own choices about what’s best for me. That trumps the relationship always. However, we can still love each other (if appropriate.)

Nuance is allowing things to be messy. Allowing there to be a wide range of feelings, options, and actions. Allowing love to prevail. While feeling empowered to take the steps and take the actions that are personally right and appropriate for oneself at that particular time.

As the rigid mind loosens its grip to let the fluidity of nuance in, a flexible structure of boundaries and empowerment emerges to provide support.

I have found it very helpful to have support people in my life as I navigate the world of setting boundaries for myself, making choices that matter to me, and being empowered to create the life I want. This has been invaluable to me, and I want to support to others in this way. I am offering a 4 week Nourishment Mentoring package sale this month to offer support in making regular self care and receiving nourishment a daily reality. More info can be found here

How has nuance shown up in your life?

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